If it was a 16 year old female dating a 25 year old man, people would be disgusted to hear that. If it was a 16 year old male dating a 25 year old woman, people would cheer him on. I'm male by the way.
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I have just found out that my 17 year old daughter is going out with a local 25 year old. I feel the age gap is way too big at her age. We're in the UK, so it's perfectly legal. He does seem a very sensible person. He owns his own successful business although he still lives with parents. I just think that, at their ages, they cannot possibly have anything in common.
They haven't shared the same live experiences, they'll soon want different things, etc. I can only think he's with her for one reason! I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that, even if they are truly in love, she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on things girls her age do like university, traveling, and building a career.
I know its only 8 years difference but it's the difference between him being at an age where he must be thinking about starting a family, marriage, etc and her starting out in life. I don't know what to do.
I have just found out that my 17 year old daughter is going out with a local 25 year old. I feel the age gap is way too big at her age. We're in the UK, so it's perfectly legal. He does seem a very sensible person. He owns his own successful business although he still lives with parents. IMPORTANT READ THIS > > First of all, don't take anything myself or anyone else says too seriously. The bottom line is that this is your life and not theirs. What you can do is take what we say into consideration and see if it makes sense for your. Oct 01, Im a 16 year old girl dating a 25 year old. No, we are NOT having sex. He accepts the fact I am waiting for marriage. I already finished high school 2 years early, work 30 hours a week, andI am Iin college, which is where I met him. People are making nasty comments about us, saying he just wants sex. Which clearly is untrue considering I am a virgin, and he is still with me.
Do I let them get on with it or should I try to explain my above concerns at the risk of pushing them together? I was 19 and ran off with a 27 year old woman from America. I'm British and she is American. My mother disowned me and we didn't speak for a year. My relationship with my wife lasted 16 years and produced 3 lovely children. So I could never say 'it was a mistake'. I was reckless and foolish and as an adult 20 years later I can easily recognize this.
However, as MY children reach their teenage years I of course see everything from the perspective as a parent. I think the most important thing to do is not push your daughter away with any shouting matches or 'you are doing the wrong thing' this is what my mother did and although she was doing her best in a difficult situation - the shouting and threats simply pushed me away further. The new found love that your daughter has found is fantastically powerful and she is overwhelmed with feelings in so much that nothing else truly matters.
It's like a drug and despite parents, friends, or even common sense whispering behind the scenes 'don't do this'. She continues because the feelings she has are too strong. You have every right to express your concerns. But I would be careful in how you deliver your feelings. Recognize the powerful grip the 25 yr old has and that is normal. She is 'in lust mode' and everything is rosy. I would try and create a containment bubble around a situation you have limited control over but in reality you do have a way to contain the situation.
Outline your concerns but let your daughter know you love and support her and that it is only natural for you to be worried. Reinforce her education about the risks of getting pregnant and maybe set some soft rules like 'education comes first' Maybe she is in sixth form. I don't know. It could be that the relationship is successful but if something goes wrong be sure she knows you are there for her if things collapse. I get myself sick with worry in regards to my kids. But at the end of the day, I know at least they are healthy and safe.
I don't know what to do, do I let them get on with it or should I try to explain my above concerns at the risk of pushing them together? It's natural to be concerned.
You might also be concerned if he were 17, given that what you are afraid of her getting hurt, pregnant, or growing up too quickly, or him being with her just for one reason can easily happen with a 17 year old boyfriend too. While such concerns are natural, and perfectly understandable, they are also irrational.
It's not likely that anything worse will happen to her with this "sensible" 25 year old, than what would happen with a random 17 year old. Your daughter is an adult now, in all but the legal sense, so treat her like an adult. What you can do, depending on your relationship to her, is to share your concerns, while acknowledging that they are irrational.
That way you don't force her to change her life, yet still make her aware of the concerns. You are worried about your daughter missing opportunities travelling, studies.
I started dating my wife when she was barely 17, and I was We married two years later, and had our first daughter 9 months after we married, with my wife still All three in English, which she started learning after marriage. On top of the above three points, she still finds time to volunteer, and to be the favourite mom among our kids' friends. All in all, most likely not what my father in law had in mind when she was little, but an exciting life.
However, generally speaking women mature earlier than men. Assuming your daughter is at least average maturity for her age, and there are no other worrying signs, I wouldn't worry too much. It could also be a lot worse. You also say 'going out' - i. Your daughter is, as you point out, an adult with all that entails, including the freedom to make her own mistakes.
A theoretical 17 year old man could equally, if not more so, be with her for only one reason. Equally, becoming pregnant and having to postpone things such as career isn't age relevant. I'd recommend waiting. If the relationship develops, you could express your concerns, though not in a judgemental way - otherwise you could risk damaging your relationship with your daughter and pushing them together.
I don't know if it helps, but when I met my girlfriend she was 16 and I was 23, one year later we came together. At that age I was working but lived with my mother. She went to high school and lived with her parents.
Consider, 25 year old dating 16 year old exclusively your opinion
Since then almost 4 years past and we live together in another city and we are both happy and in love. Since the first time I feel like she is the perfect match for me and she thinks also like that. I was afraid in the beginning that this age difference could be a problem, but it's not.
She was grown up enough in thinking and I never felt like I'm dating a "child". I was able to share my feelings and my experience about finishing exams at high school, about university also I was able to live those things again.
We enjoy the same kind of music, movies and thinking the same about life. My career path and what I'm doing helped her to find out what she want to do after university. But I could also mention many things in she helped me to achieve including move out from home. And many of these are not age-related. Of course your daughter can get hurt, but that's possible in every single relationship.
Apologise, but, 25 year old dating 16 year old really. All above
The same about getting pregnant. And what can she miss?
I think if you raised her well enough, than she won't do anything stupid and still she can go to university, travel and build her career, just as my girlfriend is doing. I remember the reactions from both her mother and mine, and those were awful. In my opinion you should try to get to know her boyfriend and treat him as you would like to be treated. In my opinion you can do the biggest harm if you overthink this situation.
As others have said, you need to have some serious talks with your daughter. If she thinks she is in love, but the subject of marriage has not come up, you still have time. Use it but don't alienate her. If this person is going to join your family, it should be on friendly and welcoming terms. If the subject of marriage has come up, you can start bargaining of some kind. Ask if they can wait for marriage until she finishes her education.
Even if she does not work as a married woman, divorce or widowhood is not a remote possibility, and if she has no marketable skills, she will find herself falling upon difficult times. If they don't want to wait, then ask the husband to carry ample life insurance should the worst happen.
Children with older brothers or sisters are usually much more sensible and grown up than those without, and the same goes for girls who date older men. It's probably just a sign that she is highly intelligent and mature for her age anyway. Women mature much quicker than men and by dating up in this way they continue to surround themselves with much more mature and sensible people. It totally depends on the character of this person - which by the sounds of it is good - but he may be a really good influence on her.
Far better than dating a guy her own age.
Mar 25, It should be apparent that the 25 year old is putting himself in situation where he would be at risk for being charged as a sex offender. It should also be apparent, and should not need saying, that the 25 year-old is not "dating" the 16 year-old but SEXUALLY PREYING ON A MINOR. **We have all heard of the "well to do" man that ditchest his devoted wife for a pretty lil' young thing. Don't forget, that middle aged, now bitter wife once was his 'pretty lil' young thing'.** The difference between ages 17 to 25, really is gre. I'm 25 and I'm starting to date a 17 year old, I wonder if it really is wrong.? and also its legal age is 16 where i come from. What she wants now will not be the same in a year or in 3 or.
Do you remember what you were like at 17? Weren't boys at that age more likely to be 'only after one thing? Teenage boys have literally nothing of value to offer anyone. Also anything you do say or do will only make the situation bad between you and her. If he actually mistreats her or starts seeming like a bad influence then sure jump in there and say something, but otherwise you are probably worrying needlessly and causing undue drama. First and foremost, let me just state, I think I get where you're coming from.
You have legitimate concerns: What do they have in common? What experiences and mutual understanding could they even build a healthy connection on? Could they possibly have a meaningful future together in the long-term? Is he just using her or taking advantage? I'm going to suggest something that the other answers touch upon, but in a more actionable, what-can-you- do -right-now way: Re-word these concerns into questions, and ask your daughter these questions.
Try to word them so they don't give off an impression of being against the relationship: I think you'll get the best results by opening the conversation with the attitude that you're just curious and want to genuinely get to know what your daughter is currently going through better.
That's not to say that you shouldn't already disapprove - while I personally wouldn't start feeling disapproval just from what you've described, your feelings are very understandable - but regardless of how you might initially feel, you can always tell her you disapprove a little later, once you've gotten as much of her perspective as she's willing to share.
But at first, it's better if you can be simply inquisitive: You don't want her to feel like you've already made up your mind before you've had a chance to thoroughly discuss it, right?
I think sometimes people just disengage and become resistant to anything we say if they feel we're already against what they're doing, which reduces our ability to actually help them significantly.
Approaching with an inquisitive attitude helps everyone involved: If you ultimately decide you disapprove or that there are real concerns, you'll be able to present your position much more thoroughly, pointing to the concerning details from what she herself has told you.
In the process of asking her these questions, she might even start thinking about issues she might have overlooked herself. And maybe in the process, you'll learn something about why they're drawn to each other and how they both think and feel that makes you feel more comfortable with the whole thing.
Personally, I'd just start with something like "hey, I was just wondering, could you tell me more about how this relationship started and what made you like him? Unfortunately, it can be hard to find a way to word things without causing misinterpretations.
For example, at least where I'm from, a curt and direct "So what do you see in him" can give a very negative, even judgmental impression, even though taken literally it's almost the same question.
16 year olds dating 21 year olds *RANT*
So maybe soften it with clarification, like "don't take this the wrong way, I'm just asking so that I understand what you're thinking and feeling, because I've decided that since this relationship seems to be important to you, I want to fully understand where that's coming from". I think this a good starting point - it immediately gets at the root of investigating how much your concerns apply to this specific case, helps lead your daughter to spotting any problems that might be looming in this relationship without just making her feel like she's being told "no", builds mutual understanding and a possibility of openly discussing relationships, including the tough parts, between you and your daughter, and has the opportunity to show her by example what kind of questions to ask when figuring out if a person is right for her in a relationship.
Best case scenario, she and her romantic interest will positively surprise you with mature and well-considered perspectives on why they're right for each other. But if not, I think the above will put both you and your daughter in a better position to navigate any troubles that might come up, together. Whilst the people I go on dates with are somewhere between I use an app that allows you to configure this and I'd be very cautious at dating anybody younger, I wouldn't necessarily draw the line at dating a year-old if they seemed mature and that's something exists almost entirely independently of age.
Invite him for dinner and family days out. In this way, you'll be able to keep a weather eye on things.
Final, 25 year old dating 16 year old share
With regards to her education and career, you really only can do what any normal parent would do with a year-old, that is, encourage them in the right direction. Travelling is something she will or won't do of her own accord and isn't a pre-requisite to successful grown-upping. Regarding pregnancy however, you ought to encourage her use of contraception. The kind would be some sort of implant that require her to make a conscious decision to discontinue use.
One thing which no other post has covered, and which you probably don't want to hear, but is the plain and brutal truth Younger people are still learning and experimenting with what they can do, and they naturally want to do as much of it as they can, and have it be as enjoyable as possible.
As a rational person, it would make complete sense for her to get her experiences of what it should be like with someone who is actually competent. Most guys her own age are not going to be highly competent, so it makes sense for her not to play with them.
The truth may simply be that she has no interest in a long-term romantic relationship with him, and they are purely enjoying having sex with each other. You might not like to hear this about your year-old daughter, but you do need to face that she has sexual needs and as an adult is fully entitled to do absolutely anything she likes with absolutely anyone she chooses.
This means that you leave everything regarding feelings, broken hearts, morality and so on to her to decide or experience on her own. That's her obligation and lawful right. It's basic accountability.
She's of age, which goes both ways. And maybe 3.
What to do about this? You should try to stay close to both of them or at least her so she has you as a confidante, a trustworthy person - i. You cannot expect to be successful in digging around behind her back anyways. So, support her, make sure she knows that you are there for her, be truly happy that she found someone etc. You can try to pull the guy into the family; i.
Make those relaxed events, not "tests". If and when you see signs of danger; then you act, with decisiveness. By supporting her, confronting the boy, and so on. Aside from that, you have precious little leverage, and being negative about it upfront will likely spoil whatever "power" you have in the situation.
I heard stories from my parents: when he took her home after a date, it was her bedtime she was in high schoolso she would retire to her room. But he would stay on with her parents, playing cards sometimes late into the night. So, her parents my maternal grandparents got to know Dad as a friend and potential son-in-law, through their own play-dates, not just from whole-family gatherings. But things were different then - she was trained by her mother to be a housewife and was not expected to go to school past 12th grade.
Her own mother only went to school through 8th grade, which was normal for girls at that time. So, it seems to me that the issue isn't the difference in their ages, so much as that she's too young in this time to have a serious relationship that could be potentially long term. A younger man would realize that they both have further life changes, but he might already be on a career track.
But that depends on the career: he might still have yeaes of school and internships ahead, too! So maybe they are closer together in terms of life stages, than implied in the post. It is perfectly reasonable for you to be feeling anxious about the well being of your daughter. Age differences aside, she is moving into a life of her own. Training wheels are off and she is going out into the world.
There's always something you could find to be worried about as a parent. If it's not age difference in the guy she's dating, it could be something else. I'm concerned that she'll get hurt, pregnant or that even if they are truly in love that she'll end up growing up too quickly and miss out on what girls her age do, university, traveling building a career. The risk of being hurt in a relationship is universal.
I don't think that is any more or less likely due to a mildly larger age gap than might be expected of a young woman.
25 year old dating 16 year old
There are certainly couples with a larger age gap who are happy. There's really no guarantee and she just has to live through her own relationship experience. As far as getting pregnant, throughout human history, nay mammalian history, females have served an integral role as mothers.
It's a relatively recent and perhaps even baseless assumption that she will be happier pursuing university studies and a career. What is there to worry about her missing out on or that she will grow up to quickly if she finds a fulfilling life as a mother, just as many women have throughout history? Yes, even those mothers who are young by modern expectations can have a very fulfilling life. But all of the studies showing stay at home moms are happier and all of the examples of childless women who pursued their careers and ended up with regrets really don't mean anything when it comes to what will be the best life for your daughter.
She may find that she wants to pursue that university and career path after all. Either way, if you are going to adopt the modern outlook on such things, you are going to have to accept that it's entirely up to her to choose her own path in life.
I know the real concern.
You don't want to end up taking care of another newborn! Just curious.
Consider, that 25 year old dating 16 year old think, that
We have been dating 4 months, and im falling for this sweetheart. Age doesn't really matter but maturity does. The older you get the smaller the age gap seems to be and that'll matter less too.
It's fine to keep dating him but just make sure there are clear boundaries set, very clear boundaries.
If you want a good opinion take it from me in that 25 year old guy dating a 16 year old girl in Michigan it's legal. So I like sex yes do I need it NO. Do we have sex? Why you ask? Because she wants to.
Am i to say no?
We have so much in common yet she does act childish and so do I I've had my ups and downs but I'll never be a boring older male I love hanging out doing what a 16 year old would do.
So I say to Hell with people your happy right? He's happy right. But what if he can't wait till marriage? Some people will always think the worst, they'll consider the age gap and think a 16 year old girl, and 25 year old guy, cant have much in common, so he must want you only for sex, but you know that's not it, so don't worry about it, it's just that people see the average 25 year old guy as 'sexually experienced' at that age, and probably in a 'sexual relationship', they would naturally assume that because of the age gap, you probably wouldn't share many common interests together, except for sex, but what does it matter what other people think?
It's not a good idea. I know it feels great to be with someone who is older, but ask yourself why he is even dating someone seven years younger than he is. He may have the best intentions, but that won't make it any easier if you two slip one night and he ends up in prison.
How would you feel then? And the reality is that sex sometimes happens even when we don't intend it. In the heat of the moment, rationality goes out the window.
This has actually been scientifically proven: We are not ourselves when we are aroused. So stay away, if nothing else for his benefit. And truthfully it is probably good to break it off for your benefit as well. You shouldn't be concerned what other people are saying.